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The Mega Marina That Could Replace The Seaquarium


A schematic shows the layout for the planned marina at the Seaquarium site on Virginia Key. (Schematic courtesy of WLRN)

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  1. “We’re going to need a bigger boat!” A Play in One Act about the Mega Marina

    Scene: Two persons in boating outfits on a speedboat out by the old Seaquarium.
    Players: Beeg, a developer of high-rise condos for the wealthy, and Thizway, his zoning lawyer.

    Thizway: I wanted you to see this for yourself. We’ve been “missing the boat.”

    Beeg: None of your jokes, please.

    Thizway: OK. What’s your biggest expense, other than campaign contributions? Land. And what do all of your customers want? Waterfront. So how ‘bout if we put ‘em together?

    Beeg: I dunno. Tell me.

    Thizway: Wetlands. Or more exactly: land under water. Everything under the water might as well be free if you make it into an “amenity” for whatever you plan to develop on land. That means boat slips, places for your customers to keep their yachts. Big ones. 80 footers!

    Beeg: Interesting. But won’t the “Save the Whales” folks be even worse than the “Tree Huggers”?

    Thizway: Nahhh. Once this Bay was a fisherman’s paradise with green turtles so thick you could walk on ‘em. We’ll put up a couple “Manatee Zone” signs. Make some donations in Tallahassee. Maybe make a spot for jet-skis to launch so the hoi polloi will support us. Plus, we’ll have pump-out stations so the boat sewage doesn’t just get dumped in the water like all those little boats anchored out here. It’s a slam dunk!

    Beeg: And we won’t have to pretend it’s for “affordable housing.” Excellent!

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